


Coming Into His Own, Dembe's Story

by alynwa



Series: The Dembe Tales [2]
Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-08 11:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12253707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alynwa/pseuds/alynwa
Summary: A companion piece to my tale "Coming into His Own."





	1. Chapter 1

Red's brunch was a celebration of our triumph as a family over the Cabal. He had outdone himself in the kitchen; making Eggs Benedict several ways and having champagne, among other things. I was so happy that Isabella could make it and brought Ellie with her. Raymond and I don't get to see them nearly as much as we would like.

I had forgotten that Liz had never met them. She was so surprised that not only am I a father, I am a grandfather. Red is only ten years older than I am, but in many ways, he is _my_ father and I consider him Isabella's grandfather and Ellie's great - grandfather. In so many ways, he is the reason they even exist.

"Father," Isabella had said after we had finished eating, "Grandfather doesn't want to let go of Ellie yet. Let's go to the movies; there is a rom - com I want to see."

"What is a 'rom - com?'"

"That's short for 'romantic comedy.' Don't make that face, Father! It will be fun."

It's hard to say "no" to her, so we went. I don't remember the movie's title, but as it progressed, I found myself watching Isabella watching the movie and marveling once again at the fact that not only do I have her, I have Ellie. As my eyes began to shut of their own volition, my mind drifted back to my early years with Raymond and I started to reflect on what he's done for me.

_I was so wary of Raymond. He saw me lying dying in a pile of rags covered in my own filth in the basement of Owite's brothel in Nairobi. He took pity upon me, bought me from Owite and then put a bullet between his eyes and took his money back. Told me I could do what I wanted, but he wanted me with him and promised to care for me. I chose to go with him._

_We got on his jet to head to France and when he ordered me to take a shower, I struggled to undress; I was so weak, I was having a hard time. He helped me and then Raymond placed a chair in the shower for me to sit and moments later, stepped into the shower wearing a bathing suit and began to bathe me. I waited for his ministrations to turn sexual, but they never did. To this day, he has no idea what that meant to me. I remember watching his face as he cleaned me; he was focused on what he was doing and it was obvious to me he was just performing a necessary task. He was gentle, but thorough. I did not know whether or not I was going to be his slave, but I dared to hope that I would be treated well._

_I was shocked when he hired tutors for me. I had never been sent to school; I had learned to understand and speak English because of the brothel's clientele. When I was introduced to my teachers, I worked very hard because I knew Raymond wanted me to learn and I was so afraid that he would send me back to Nairobi if I didn't do well._

_When he told me he wanted to hire a therapist for me to talk to after I woke up screaming one night, I was afraid he thought I was crazy, but he told me that he felt I needed to talk about my life in the brothel, to get it out of my system. He said it was important that I was not only physically healthy, but emotionally healthy. I agreed, reluctantly. I didn't really think it would help. I was so wrong._

I felt an elbow nudge me in the side. "Father, the movie's over! Wake up!"

"I wasn't asleep; I was only resting my eyes." She accepted my lie with a smile and without argument.

"Let's go to the coffee shop on the corner. I'd like to discuss something with you," Isabella said. She led the way out of the theater down the street to a little "mom and pop" cafe, ordered a latte and a bear claw, waited for me to order a coffee and then sat at a table in the corner away from the other patrons. "Father, ever since that psycho broke into my house and kidnapped Ellie, I have not felt safe or comfortable. I don't want to live there anymore. Would you please tell Grandfather? Do you think he would have a problem buying another house for me? I don't wish to appear ungrateful, but I want to move, like _yesterday._ "

I reached over and cupped her face. "The last thing he would think about you is that you are ungrateful. He is the only person I know who might love you and Ellie more than I do."

Hours later, Ellie was asleep in her bed and Isabella and I were sipping wine on the living room couch. Raymond, as I knew he would, had agreed that Isabella should begin looking for a house immediately. When he had had no objection to my staying with the girls, we had taken our leave.

Boz and his men had arrived to provide security just before dark and they were staked out discretely around the property's perimeter. Isabella was tired, but was struggling to stay awake. "Izzie, go to bed; you do not have to keep me company."

"I'm not sleepy."

I smiled indulgently. "Yes, you are. Just like when you were a child, you are so afraid you will miss something, you are forcing your eyes to stay open." I reached over, took the glass from her hand and then placed it on the end table. "Come." When she slid closer, I kissed her cheek and forehead. "Go to bed," I repeated.

"All right. Good night, Father." She stood and headed for the stairs. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Yes, you will." I watched her go first to Ellie's room and then to her own. I closed my eyes as I finished my merlot and settled more comfortably on the sofa. I smiled as I recalled the shocked look on Liz' face when I introduced her to my child and grandchild. Obviously, Raymond had never mentioned them.

Raymond. In many ways, he is as responsible for their conception as I am. I can never repay him for what he did for me. Never.


	2. Chapter 2

_Of all the potential therapists Raymond and Mr. Kaplan interviewed and allowed me to speak to, I felt most comfortable with Dr. Benoit. I remember gesturing to Raymond that he could leave me alone with him._

" _So," Dr. Benoit had said after Raymond left, "Mr. Reddington feels that I can help you come to terms with your life prior to your coming to live with him. What do you want to get out of our sessions?"_

" _I...want to prove that I am not crazy so that he will not send me back to Nairobi."_

" _Do you think Mr. Reddington would do that?"_

" _I do not know."_

_Doctor Benoit pulled a pad from his briefcase and picked up his pen. "Mr. Reddington told me where he found you. I want you to tell me, if you remember, how you ended up there."_

_I began my therapy by telling him of my earliest memory: Watching my entire family being slaughtered by men who then grabbed me and took me with them. I remembered that we drove for what seemed like forever before we stopped and I was handed over to a man who took me into a house, beat me and then told me that as long as I did as I was told, I would be allowed to live. It took about three years before I learned that I was in Nairobi, Kenya and his name was Mr. Owite. It only took a week before my first client showed me what my life was going to be._

_Doctor Benoit was taking notes furiously as he listened. "Dembe, how old were you when your family was killed and you were sent to a brothel?"_

" _I was six."_

" _Six?" he gasped. When I nodded, he said, "Dembe, I'm going to speak with Mr. Reddington about our schedule. I would like to tell him that we'll be speaking three times a week for an hour to an hour and a half each time. I'd like to see you on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, preferably in the afternoon. I promise our sessions will not interfere with your schooling. Is that all right with you?"_

_Starting the following week, I met with Dr. Benoit thrice weekly. At first, I was very shy about telling him what I was feeling, but over time, I became more and more comfortable with him. I wasn't sure he could bear listening to what I had to say, but to his credit, he hung in with me and we developed a good relationship. I began to tell him everything about how I was feeling, including how I felt about Raymond._

_I was so grateful to Raymond for taking me away from the brothel and truth be told, I was glad he had killed Mr. Owite because I considered him the reason I suffered. But I did not trust Raymond. I told Dr. Benoit how I had slipped into his bed one night and he had put me out, saying that is not what he wanted from me._

" _And you don't believe him?"_

" _I want to, Doctor, I do, but..."_

" _But what?"_

" _I keep expecting that one day, Raymond will reveal his true reason for taking me out of Owite's brothel. That he has some kind of horrible plan in mind. I hope that is not true, but I just don't know."_

I shook my head to clear my thoughts of the past, stretched my arms up over my head and yawned mightily. "I told Isabella to go to bed; I think I better follow my own advice," I muttered to myself. I stuck my head out the back door and waved to Boz when he stepped out of the shadows briefly and then I headed to the guest room. I stripped down to my shorts, climbed into bed and found myself thinking more about my time in France talking to Dr. Benoit.

_When I was seventeen, I began asking him about relationships and sex. My only experiences with either had been in the brothel and I knew that wasn't normal, but I had no idea what "normal" is._

" _Well," Dr. Benoit said one session, "You've had relationships with Raymond Reddington and his associate Kate Kaplan for three years now. How do you feel about them?"_

" _Well, Kate is not around much, but when she does come to the house, she always takes time to speak with me even if it's only for a few minutes. Sometimes, she brings me books and magazine articles she thinks I might like. Once I was watching a soccer game on television and she sat and watched with me and asked questions about the sport."_

" _How does it make you feel when Kate spends time with you?"_

_I smiled and answered, "It makes me feel...important, like I matter to her. She listens to me."_

" _And Raymond? How do you feel about him?"_

" _This may sound strange because he is only ten years older than I am, but he has become a father figure to me. He has done everything for me; seen to my education, taken me on trips, introduced me to you. I have finally begun to believe that he likes me and he doesn't think I am crazy and he doesn't want me in his bed. He is also like a brother to me, too. We watch old American television shows like 'The Three Stooges' and 'I Love Lucy' and laugh. If my brothers and father were alive, I think they would treat me very much the same as Red does."_

" _It sounds like you love him, Dembe."_

_I remember staring at him when he said that; I wasn't sure what "love" is. "About eight months ago, Red got sick with a bad case of food poisoning. He was in bed with chills, fever, terrible cramps and diarrhea. The doctor and Mr. Kaplan told me that he would be fine, but I didn't believe them. I thought he was dying and they were lying to me. I went to his room, put a chair next to his bed and held his hand as he slept. My stomach was knotted in fear for him and for myself. I didn't know what I would do without him, I couldn't imagine being without him. He awoke to me crying and praying that he would live. I was so happy to see him feeling better. I was afraid to hug him, but I knew that if it were up to me, I would do anything to keep him alive and with me. Is that love?"_

_Doctor Benoit looked at me and smiled. "Yes, it is."_


	3. Chapter 3

_I remember that Dr. Benoit spoke to me about the purpose of sex surrogates when I started questioning him about how sex fit into romantic relationships. He told me he would speak to Raymond about it and it wasn't too long after that I was introduced by him to three women: Marlene, June and Marie._

_At first, I was terrified. I was afraid that those women would act the way the clients did in the brothel. The majority of Owite's clients were male, but sometimes, females would come. They were just as bad, sometimes even worse, than the men. They expected me to perform and if I could not, there was hell to pay._

_My first session with a surrogate was with June. She asked me questions about my life with Raymond, my studies and what I did for fun. When I told her that I really didn't know how to have "fun," but I did enjoy watching soccer on television. So we watched a game. She asked me questions about the play and the rules and the players. I kept thinking, She's going to start touching me, but she didn't. Our time went by quickly and when she said it was over, I was stunned. I remember asking her if I had done something wrong and her reminding me that Dr. Benoit had told me what to expect. I confessed to her that I hadn't really believed that I wouldn't be assaulted._

_Marlene and Marie were also easy to speak to and be in their company. As time went on, they began to initiate touching, but it was organic and completely natural. I didn't feel pressured, at all._

_After a few months' time, Marlene initiated touching of a more intimate nature: Handholding, hugging and rubbing my back and arms. I was nervous, but she was kind and gentle. Doctor Benoit was getting progress reports from the surrogates and he helped me process what was happening in those sessions. I needed him. I still had the fear that I would be hurt in some way and during my sessions with him, he would reassure me that the surrogates would never physically attack. I was slowly starting to feel more comfortable with the women._

_It was June who moved me further along the road to complete intimacy. "I have a tape I want us to watch together," she said as she opened the door to her office suite. She led me to another door on the opposite side of the room. I had never seen what was on the other side and was a little nervous to see that it was a bedroom. "Now, Dembe, I want you to remind you that you are in control here. If the tape makes you too uncomfortable, say so and I will turn it off. If my touch scares you in any way, say so and I will stop immediately. In fact, we can stay in the office area if you feel it's too soon to be in a bedroom."_

_I was a little afraid, but I was also curious and a bit excited. "No, I'm alright. I want to see the tape."_

_She put it into the VCR and pressed "Play." It was an educational sex tape showing a man and woman making love while a narrator explained the biology of what was happening. "What do you think, Dembe?"_

" _I...they seem to like it," I answered. "No one is being hurt."_

" _Lovemaking is a way to express feelings of love and affection. What happened to you in the brothel had nothing to do with love or lovemaking. It was rape. Rape is about power and control over another human being. Though some acts may look similar, the motivations behind the actions are miles apart. I think you are ready to take that next step, Dembe. If you agree, we will begin. Remember, we can stop whenever you want; there is no 'have to,' there is only 'want to.'"_

" _Those people, they had their eyes closed a lot. What if I want to keep mine open?"_

_June smiled, "Then keep them open. You do whatever you need to feel safe."_

That was the first time I ever had consensual sex and I did keep my eyes open. I remember that afterward, June questioned me to make sure I was okay. When I assured her that I was, she told me that Marlene and Marie would each have a session with me and then they, like she, would not be seeing me anymore. She called Dr. Benoit after we dressed to tell him about my breakthrough and he asked me to come to his office immediately.

" _So," he said after I sat on the couch, "what did you think? Was it what you expected?"_

" _It was very good, it_ felt _very good..."_

" _But?"_

" _I kept expecting something to go wrong. I thought I might feel pain of some kind, but there was no pain, only pleasure."_

" _You will find that is usually the case."_

The next day, I brought Isabella and Ellie back to Raymond's for lunch and to show him pictures of the condo she and I had looked at; as I expected, Raymond agreed to purchase it. It warmed my heart to watch him show his love for my daughter and granddaughter. They are his family as much as I am.

The next morning, Elizabeth, Raymond and I were onboard his jet on our way to Maine. I think we were all just a bit sad to be leaving my daughter and grandchild. There hadn't been a lot of conversation in the car heading to the airport and I had started reading _Des Vies en Mieux_ , a French novel I had picked up the last time I was in Paris.

"Dembe," Raymond called. When I looked at him he said, "Lizzie is curious about Gabrielle."

"Oh?"

"Yes, she is. I told her that she was French and white to answer her question about Isabella being biracial. I told her it's your story to tell or not."

I glanced over at Elizabeth and watched her blush furiously. I had to smile; my "brother" Raymond can be blunt when he wants to be. "It's fine, Elizabeth. What is it you would like to know?"

I watched her shoot a dirty look Raymond's way. "I wasn't going to bring it up, but since Red outed me, I was just curious about Isabella's mother. How you met, what's she's like and where she is. I assume she still lives in France."

"Sadly, Gabrielle is dead. She died when Isabella was four."

"Oh my God, Dembe, I'm so sorry. I would never have asked you if Red had told me that..." she trailed off as she turned to glare at the man now reading a copy of the Wall Street Journal.

Raymond smiled at her discomfort. "In my defense, I _was_ sitting here unsupervised. I told you it's Dembe's story to tell. It wasn't my place to tell you _anything_ about Isabella's mother other than she was French."

I put my book down, stood and moved to sit next to Elizabeth. "I don't mind telling you about Gabrielle, but I have to give you some background first."


	4. Chapter 4

I gave Elizabeth a sanitized version of my life before Raymond and my life with him from the ages of fourteen to seventeen. I am not ashamed of my past thanks to Raymond and Dr. Benoit; I know none of it was my fault, but I am also not interested in receiving her pity.

"Two months before my eighteenth birthday, I met Gabrielle in the Bibliotheque Mazarine in Paris. I was home - schooled and one of my tutors had assigned a history paper; I had a choice to either write about King Louis the XVI or Marie Antoinette. I was perusing several books to see who I found more interesting when I looked up to see this beautiful young lady watching me. I was so shy, I never would have spoken to her, but she introduced herself and asked me what I was researching. We hit it off and went to a small bistro not far from the library for coffee."

"We seemed to have so much in common and I found her very easy to talk to once she got me to open up to her."

Liz grinned. "Were you as talkative then as you are now?"

I had to laugh at that. "I have to say I was _very_ talkative compared to today. I had my instructors, my therapy, Kate, Raymond and then, Gabrielle. She was the only person I spoke to who was my age."

"We became very close, very fast. We fell in love." I looked out the window at the clouds as I remembered those times.

_Gabrielle was so beautiful, so loving, so good to me. When I first told Raymond about her, he was happy that I had made a friend. As time went on and he met her, he liked her, too._

" _Dembe, she is a lovely young lady. Are you...are you two..."_

_Laughingly I replied, "If you are asking if we are having sex, the answer is yes. And you were right, Raymond, sex with the surrogates was nice, but making love to Gabrielle...I didn't believe it possible to feel the way I do when I'm with her."_

_He smiled at that. "I told you so!"_

_I remember I became very serious when I told him we were using condoms._

" _Good," he said, "I don't want you two getting pregnant. I want you to finish your education, including college."_

"Well," Elizabeth said as she gently nudged him with her elbow, "don't leave me hanging. You two were in love..."

"Sorry. She told me she was pregnant on my nineteenth birthday. I told Raymond and then he and I went to Gabrielle's home to speak to her parents." He looked at Raymond and smiled.

_I was so afraid to tell you; I thought you would be disappointed and angry and think I was lying about using condoms. But instead of yelling or throwing me out of the house, you asked me what I wanted to do. When I said I loved her and wanted the baby, you just nodded your head and said, "We better go talk to her parents then."_

_Gabrielle's parents were not pleased that their daughter was pregnant and I was the father, but when they saw the look on your face, Raymond, they kept their remarks to themselves. It also helped tremendously that he offered to pay for half of her medical bills._

"We didn't marry; we wanted to wait until we were older. Isabella was born and we all fell in love with her; she was such a beautiful child. Gabrielle's parents adored her, which was wonderful because Raymond and I traveled quite a bit, though we made sure Gabrielle and Isabella wanted for nothing."

 _I still remember the day Raymond's phone rang, him walking away from me after he answered it, the way he looked at me as he ended the call._ " _Come sit next to me, Dembe." When I did he said, "_ _That was Gabrielle's father. Dembe, there's been a horrible...Gabrielle was killed in a car accident. Isabella is with her grandparents. They wanted me to tell you so you wouldn't have to hear it over the phone."_

_I was so shocked, it didn't seem possible. I wanted to scream that it was a lie, it had to be a lie, but I knew it couldn't be, Raymond never lied to me. I could feel my tears starting and I didn't want him to see me weak. I ran to my room and moments later, Raymond entered. "Dembe, don't be ashamed to let me see your emotions. I'm here for you," he said as he hugged and held me as I cried. "I love you, Dembe." That was the first time he ever said that to me._

"Isabella was four when her mother was killed. Raymond and I shared custody with Gabrielle's parents until she reached the age of majority." _Raymond paid for Isabella's and my education. I was so broken, I finished my education and then went to Africa to be a freedom fighter in Somalia._

"Dembe, I am so, so sorry," Lizzie said as she reached to hug him. "I'm sorry for bringing up such sad memories."

He accepted the hug graciously. "There is nothing to apologize for, Elizabeth; I wanted to tell you about Isabella's mother." He smiled at her and Raymond. "If Raymond had not taken care of my emotional health when he did, there would not have been a Gabrielle in my life and subsequently, no Isabella and no Ellie. So you see, Raymond is the reason my child and grandchild exist. I owe him everything."

Liz looked over at Reddington. "There really is no limit to what you can do, is there?"

Raymond looked up from his newspaper. "No."


End file.
